Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Mi lover de clóset

¿Se acuerdan de ese concurso de Chabelo en el que los papás tenían que identificar los piecitos de sus hijos portando Bubble Gummers, los zapatitos más chavitos, en compañía de Tim, Amy y el Gato?

Pues cada vez que algún "anonymous" entra a este espacio para dejar sus impresiones, experimento una sensación similar. Soy re-picado, cómo chingaos no, y siempre trato de deducir cómo es el "anonymous" de acuerdo a sus palabras. Sin embargo, como hasta el momento sólo había comentarios positivos (modestia aparte), pues digamos que no pasaba de ahí, de ese pequeño juego mental para mí solito. Hasta ayer.

Como diría Wallace J. Porter (les recomiendo Porterama si quieren espantarse del mundo en que vivimos), recibí mi primer "hatemail" gracias al post de Osama Bin Britny. He aquí:

Anonymous said...
Con lo de buscar ser "ú.n.i.c.o" y decidir ser juez de todo el mundo, valdría la pena ser más cuidadosito con la ortografía. Y aguas, que habemos muchos chilangos, orgullosos de serlo, por razones de bastante más peso que las que consideras "la esencia chilanga".

"¿Para qué se meten a un blog que no les gusta?", cuestionó WJP en un chateo. Es lo mismo que pensé en un principio. Es como comprar un periódico que te caga leer, nomás para hacer corajes. Es como salir con alguien que te caga la madre, nomás para hacer corajes. Es como, en mi caso, comprar cinco tipos de guisados con calabaza para degustarlos de lunes a viernes... nomás para hacer corajes.

Bajo esa lógica, nadie hace nada por disgusto (salvo los masoquistas y Mamá Chanfle, claro). Por ello, caí en la cuenta. Este "anonymous" no es un hater, sino todo lo contrario. De entrada, está enterado de la búsqueda de ser U.N.I.C.O., que por cierto, va con mayúsculas y sin acento por ser un nombre propio, no es la palabra único (de hecho, son iniciales de un nombre más largo). Además, se tomó la molestia no sólo de leer el post vigente, sino también el Chilango Pride, lo cual le agradezco.

Entonces, más que ser un hater, es un lover de clóset. Pero como no me gusta hablarle al aire, me encantaría que saliera de su anonimato para que todos los que compartimos este foro único (aquí sí) podamos servirle de psicólogos en su disgusto con U.N.I.C.O., en ese afán de ser amarguetas, para decirlo de forma más coloquial. Claro, esto, si es que tiene el valor (o le vale).

Una vez más, no tengo nada contra los anonymous, ni contra los hatemails. Pero la combinación hatemail-anonymous sí se me hace de mal gusto. No volveré a tocar el tema si este admirador no sale del anonimato.

Y ya de paso, con este papel de "Juez de todo el Mundo" que me ha sido designado por este "anonymous", me gustaría aprovechar para quitarme otra curiosidad:

Les pido de la manera más atenta a quien se meta a U.N.I.C.O., que por esta única ocasión, sin importar si son apenas unas cuantas palabras, DEJEN UN COMMENT OPINATIVO. Sólo hay un fin: medir más o menos, cómo andamos de rating. Venga baseeeeeeeeeeees, yo sé que somos más y jalamos más parejo.

Ah. Por último. No eres tan "anonymous". Sí sé perfecto quién eres, es demasiado obvio.


Para el que redactó mi acta de nacimiento como "Miguel Angel". Así, sin acento.

105 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ok aquí pinche vamos, de entrada un baggan de camarón con un chingo de mayonesa para que Mike haga corajes.
Yo también soy Anónimo y Antónimo si quieren, pero pocas personas saben escribir, si te das el gusto de perder el tiempo leyendo cosas que para ti están mal...no lo hagas papá, ve a los bloggs que te hagan sentir placer asi como los baggans sin mayonesa de Miguel, pero no vengas a decir que tiene faltas de orografía, jajajaja se nota que soy tu amigowwwww, salí a la defensiva, pero para eso estamos las BASEEEEEEEES jajajajajaja besos lover de clóset

Anonymous said...

Esto no me deja hacer comments (comentarios, no me vayan a regañar) con mi 'blogger name' (nombre de usuario hipervinculado a mi página), pero como ya es costumbre, por aquí anduve.
Que envidia tener lovers de clóset, como si no fuera suficiente con la chica Sanborns. Todo un conquistador. Oiga y ¿desde cuando se acentúan, como lo exige él desde su armario, las letras solas seguidas por un punto? Según yo la acentuación es sólo para las palabras, completas.
Como yo si acepto que me encanta U.N.I.C.O. y me he declarado su "fans" con anterioridad, no seré anónimo aunque blogger así lo quiera y mi nombre no le diga mucho.
Sergio

l'aldo said...

QUE VIVAN LAS BASES CÓMO NO, YO SOY SEGUIDOR DE U.N.I.C.O. Y ESCRIBO TODO CON MAYUSCULAS ASÍ PA QUE SE VEA MAL HECHOTE TODO CÓMO NO... ora que bajo la filosofía de Niurka y Bobby Larios, es mejor que hablen (comenten en este caso) mal a que no hablen... sale saludos mi buen y sea izquierdosamente tolerante con el prójimo

Anonymous said...

U.N.I.C.O. es divertido y radical, me gusta, y creo que también a tu lover de clóset, por algo se tomó la molestia de dejarte un post. Por lo que sea, vaya un saludo al hombre, mujer o quimera, que seguro no dará la cara. . .

Ciao!

Anonymous said...

lo U.N.I.C.O. que le puedo decir a lover de closet, como bien dirian las porras "jalisquillas" es:eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh PUTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! muy bien migue tienes muchos FANSSS jajajaja

J Briseño

Anonymous said...

Señor UNICO (con acento o sin él), la última vez que nos vimos fue en un conocido restaurant de la ciudad tres veces bella de Toluca (aunque lo niegue el muchachito del osito).
La verdad es que me gusta verlo pensando pero me encanta enojado...
Espero me perdone.
Adrix
su chica de closet y de donde quiera...

Anonymous said...

Creo que el lover de clóset sólo buscó el pretexto para acercarse a tí, pero para su mala fortuna lo hizo mal, porque critica la ortografía y es el menos indicado para hacerlo, pues U.N.I.C.O, NO SE ACENTÚA, porque no es una palabra, son letras separadas por un punto!!!!!!. Además, si no le gusta este espacio, para qué se metió a él y peor aún leyó tus textos. Ahora bien, por lo menos "mi maiki" puedes presumir de tener fans de todo tipo, desde chicas en Sanborns hasta cibernautas perdidos...

encursivas said...

Igual no está mal hacer enojar a la gente de vez en cuando… Yo también creo que no hay mejor publicidad que la mala. En fin, me gusta tu blog, por aquí andaré visitándote.

Ruy Feben said...

Me sumo a la campaña de fanatismo por el U.N.I.C.O.; sobre el hate-mail, creo que ya casi soy un experto en la materia: mi cuarto post de la vida contó con hate mail (por parte de alguien que creía tener un blog mejor que el mío, pus qué), y, por si fuera poco, el post que más comentarios ha tenido en mis más de dos años de blogger fue uno en el que hablaba (mal) sobre el reggaetón; el resultado: 135 comentarios de fans-from-placard-hell, todos ellos con nombres como Zero-the-Father, Yostik, Babo-el-Rumbero, et. al.

Lo que quiero decir es que, fans de clóset o no, estoy convencido de que hay una secta de haters cuyo objeto en la vida es (como el monkeeky malo) odio-odio-odio.

Anonymous said...

ESTIMADOS TODOS Y MUY ESTIMADO HNO.

NO ESCRIBO CON ACENTOS ME DA HUEVA YYYYY ????

SOY FANS COMO DICEN LOS SHABS DE TU BLOCK PERDON DIGO BLOG, EN LO PERSONAL ME CAGAN LAS PERSONAS QUE NO HABLAN DE FRENTE Y LO SABES Y SI SABES QUIEN ES LA PERSONITA QUE ANDAN DE TIRO LA PIEDRA Y ESCONDO LA MANO.

BASES, SECTOR, AGRICULTURA Y RURAL ESTAN CONTIGO, NO ESTAS SOLO EN ESTA CRUZADA LA DENOMINADA LOVER DE CLOSET, HUEVOS DE CLOSET MIS HUEVOS COMO DIRIA POLO POLO.

HMI

Anonymous said...

PERDOOON, LAS DROGAS DESTRUYEN Y MUY CABRON...

HMI

Anonymous said...

No pondré mi nombre pero no dudo ni un segundo en que ud. sabrá quién soy.

Eso es lo que pasa cuando uno escribe. Como díría mi no-favorita Paulina Rubio, "una sola palabra", una frase, hará que el Lic. Briseño sepa quien opina sobre su tan interesante y divertido blog.

Habrá personas a quien les guste U.N.I.C.O. y a quien no, pero eeeeeequis, lo importante es que opinen y que Miguel Angel (sin acento) no deje de escribir.

P.D. El Chai-latte-helado-light-poco hielo NO sabe amargo... jajaja

Anonymous said...

Que wey es aquel que lee algún blog que no le gusta... aunque ten en cuenta algo mi querido Chanfle, puede ser que el blog le guste en lo general y haya odiado el Post Chilango en lo particular. En mi opinión sigue como vas.

Anonymous said...

Seré tu lover de closet, seré lo que quieras. Conquistas tienes muchas, amores no lo sé. Sabrás quién soy, no es difícil conseguirlo.
El problema es lo que no quieres, lo que me incluye.
Puesto tal cual, si te dejaras querer, ni un sólo momento dejaría de hacerlo.

Anonymous said...

Pues seré otra persona anónima (aunque a HMI le caguen) que ha quedado encantada en tu forma de escribir, de pensar y de ser.
Nos hemos visto tan solo una vez... y sigo esperando el día en que se pueda repetir esa tan afortunada "cita". ¿Será que algún día se repita? ¿será que haya logrado despertar cierto interés en mi? o ¿será que lo mejor sea no esperar tu llamada?
Me apunto como otro fan tuyo y creo que lo mejor es quedarme el anonimato aunque si tu quieres, bien podrías saber quién soy!!
No dejes de escribir y de aventurarme en tus historias!!
Te mando un abrazo y te deseo lo mejor de la vida!!
Besos
521

Manzana Marina said...

Un día de depresión vespertina, un amigo me pasó el link de este blog y me hizo tanto reír que desde entonces paso por acá eventualmente. Me apunto en el equipo de fans, chau.

Anonymous said...

Estimado autor:

Antes que nada, recibe de mi parte una sincera disculpa por haber roto la cadena de comentarios positivos a tu blog. Quizá habías recibido sólo alegría porque éste había sido, hasta ahora, motivo de lectura de un cercano círculo de compañeros. Sin embargo, como todos sabemos, la red es una tómbola (tom-tom-tómbola) y uno nunca sabe quién pueda leer nuestros textos. Puedes tomar mi comentario como tu “bar mitzvah”, tu “coming of age”, tu entrada al “mundo real” en el que, tristemente, no somos monedita de oro.

Buscando en Google el término “chilango” me topé contigo, querido autor. He de aceptar que mi paciencia estaba ya un poco mermada, pero leer tantos textos vacíos, mal investigados y adolescentes en un solo día de búsqueda cibernética me había sumido en el cansancio. Tu blog fue tan sólo la consabida gota.

Como orgulloso habitante de la Ciudad de México, el vocablo chilango --que para tanta gente es un término tan despectivo-- significa para mí algo completamente distinto. Ahora veo que personas con educación universitaria (dime, ¿estoy en lo correcto?) y según leo, periodistas de oficio, pueden sin pesar alimentar y reforzar los estereotipos que otros nos preocupamos por disipar.

Con gusto veo que mi comentario tuvo la capacidad de despertar tu creatividad e inspirar una nueva entrega. Me halaga que me dediques tanto tiempo y tal derroche de lenguaje, y te lo agradezco.
Como bien señalas, todos cometemos errores ortográficos y de ninguna manera pretendo ser la excepción. Algunos comentarios al margen: a) los nombres propios sí se acentúan. b) Como bien dices, si son siglas y la “u” es inicial de una palabra que no se acentúa, debe omitirse la tilde. Sin embargo, permíteme hacerte notar que tu texto fluctuó entre el análisis de mi comentario y un juicio de valor sobre mi persona. Sin ofender tu intuición, te comento que de ninguna manera me considero un amarguetas. De hecho, mi afán por limpiar el término “chilango” de su connotación negativa surge, precisamente, de mi firme intención de ver la vida en esta ciudad de manera más optimista.

Qué pena afirmar que no soy ni un “hater” ni un “lover”, mucho menos de clóset. Simplemente uno de tantos usuarios de la red que, coincidentemente, es chilango y crítico con lo que lee. Con toda sinceridad te aseguro que no tengo el gusto de conocerte, así que tomaré aquello de “Sí sé perfecto quién eres, es demasiado obvio” como un ligero “bluff” de tu parte.

Sin afán alguno de molestar, me retiro para siempre. Me dará gusto que esta nueva respuesta desencadene aún más a las “bases” que llamas a cerrar filas, y que tan eruditamente eligen las palabras en tu defensa. Curiosamente, no me imagino al tan citado Germán Dehesa haciendo lo mismo ante un comentario negativo a su columna. Pero vaya, falta mucho camino por recorrer.

Muy atentamente,
La usuaria anónima.

Anonymous said...

uy... dio la cara? genial!

W.J. Porter said...

Pus ya qué... ¡Vamos por el 19!

Anonymous said...

Me gusto tu manera de exponer y defender tu punto de vista "LA USUARIA ANONIMA"

HMI

Anonymous said...

Y si se enamoran?

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